Hot Sweaty Days and Mondays

After almost TWO years I finally have my consultation appointment today with Dr. Higa to have WLS.

I got up at 6AM because I thought my appointment was at 9AM. I double checked what I wrote down the other day and saw I didn't have to be there until 9:30. It was already 70 degrees outside and humid so I was sweating like a stuck pig trying to get dressed. My make-up was running down my face leaving white streaks that made me look like a vampire. I kept thinking to myself, "This is the last HOT FAT SWEATY SUMMER for me!"

I leave my house just before 9 and head into Fresno. By then you would think traffic would not be very heavy. WRONG! So I am going 75 in a 55 then it turns into 65. I see a motorcycle CHP making a U Turn in the median ahead of me so of course I slam on my brakes. Everything is cool and I am cruising along into Fresno. All of the sudden I see the CHP pull behind me and turn his lights on. MOTHER FUCKER! I am pissed because it is 9:20 and my exit is within sight. So I pull over and he comes to the passenger window and makes small talk and then asks me if I know my 2006 license sticker is missing. SHIT. I told him it was at home on the desk by the front door and we just never got it put on. Of course I am babbling away how I didn't have stickers on my car for 4 years and never got stopped. They were in the glove box but I just wanted to see if I would ever get stopped. I finally put them on when I gave the car to my daughter. He tells me to "Have a Nice Day and to Drive Safe!"

So I finally find the Dr's office. It is in a new building so it didn't map out on Yahoo. I rush in there right at 9:30. Well this Dr. triple books like my pain Dr. so it would have been NO biggie if I were late. I had to sign a few papers and then I grabbed a few magazines and sat down. This older guy with snow white hair wearing a bright pink shirt and white shorts comes in and sits two seats to my right. His glasses were perched askew on his forehead. I could feel him staring at me and I was getting the heebie jeebies. Finally he got up and mumbled something and disappeared. I had taken a water bottle with me and so of course I had to go pee. I ask the girls at the desk where the restrooms are and she points down this hall. I find the bathroom but the door is locked. There is a guy standing outside the bathroom putting together some packets of papers and I finally asked him if he saw anyone go in there. He said he has only seen people TRYING to get in there. I go tell my Dr's people that the door must be locked from the inside because no one has been able to get in there. The girls are like, oh someone must be in there and went back to answering the phones. So back down the hall I go and knock on the fucking door and say "HELLO??? IS ANYONE IN THERE?" I didn't hear anything at first so I knocked even louder this time and yelled "HELLO???" All of the sudden I hear some moaning and then hear "HELP". I go tell the girls AGAIN that now there is someone in there that is moaning and needs help. They take their sweet ass time getting the Nurse who comes running with a wheel chair and opens the door. There sprawled out on the floor, with his glasses still on his forehead, is that old guy that was staring at me. He had been in there passed out for at least a half an hour. She gets him in the wheelchair and takes him back into the Dr's office and they call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. When she took me back I asked her, "Was he just dumping?" She said he had a different kind of surgery and was going to have a revision but he was having a lot of medical problems. I was like HOLY SHIT. So the ambulance came and hauled his ass off to the hospital.

So the nurse then tells me I have to take off my shoes and socks to get weighed. I told her that I need help because of my back and didn't understand why I had to take them off. Well they have one of those fancy Tanita scales that tell you MORE than you want to know about HOW FUCKING FAT YOU ARE! She told me to stand on the scale until it beeped and she ran off to do something else. This machine starts printing out this long ass receipt. I look over to see how much I weighed and I about passed out. It said 291.5. Now I weighed my ass at home before I left and I weighed 271 on my scale. I told the nurse the scale was broken. I swear they must weigh heavy so those who fall under a 40 BMI will be over. That's my theory and I am sticking to it! I have NEVER weighed this much in my entire life. Thank god I had taken half a Valium before I left the house. Between the CHP, Pink Shirt Guy, and my Weight I was going over the deep end fast!

I get taken into this exam room and have to take off everything but my bra and panties. I said to the nurse, "Well at least I know the paper gowns will fit me at this place". She says they are special made in Paris and I go, "Oh by Chanel?" She says, "Why of course and they smell good too!" So I get my couture blue gown on and place the lovely extra large white drape over my legs and lay down on the exam table to wait for the Dr. He finally shows up about 11.

Dr. Higa walks into the room and sees me laying down and says "Time to wake up Susan". He looked over my paperwork for a second but it was obvious that he had actually read my chart by the questions he asked. THAT impressed me! He wanted to know if I was a carb addict. I said no, just a food addict in general. Then he saw my list of drugs and we went over all about my back injury. I showed him my lovely elephant ankles and he didn't like them one bit. I have to go have a doppler study done to make sure I don't have a blood clot. He asked if I had any questions and I just asked about how he does the leak test and he says he doesn't do one unless he sees the need too. Since he not only staples and sutures the pouch he has had very few leaks in the thousands of patients he has operated on. Oh, first he told me he would give me some red jello to see if passed thru or not. He listened to my lungs and asked me if I smoked. I told him yes and that I did put it in my paperwork. He asked how much and I said too much. He didn't say anything else. I asked him if I should go on a "liver shrinking diet" and he said if I wanted to that would be great because it makes it much easier for him. I LOVE THIS MAN!

Finally he said that everything was in order and that all I need to have done is the doppler study and that should be scheduled pretty quickly and then they will submit everything to my insurance. The girl at the front desk said HMO's sometimes take a little longer but I said I have heard that Blue Shield has a pretty quick turn around and she just gave her robotic answer about how it can take up to six weeks.

So, this was my exciting day. I am just waiting for the phone to ring to tell me when I have to go have my elephant ankles dopplered and then I will know more. I am increasing my Lasix to 120MG twice a day from now on to see if that helps too. I think they might be bigger right now cause I am due for my period. I did ask the Dr. if he would give me a hysterectomy while he was in there! He laughed and said "SORRY". I also told him about the gall bladder doctor who told me I didn't need WLS and he asked who it was and when I told him he laughed and said "Yeah if you are built like her you wouldn't need surgery" She is a six foot tall bean pole!