Soon To Be A New Me

IT'S BEEN A LONG, LONG TIME!!

2008-05-31T14:56:00.000-07:00

I am 2 months away from my 2 year Surgiversary. I still have no interest in food and only eat to live. I hope this feeling stays with me the rest of my life! I'm still not to my goal weight due to my hormones going wacko after having Uterine Ablation. I gained just over 10 pounds but have lost that plus more. I haven't weighed myself for awhile but I can fit into a size 14 skirt and stretchy shorts that are size 12-14. Jeans are still 16's but I could care less! I can buy tops from the Junior department in Large or X-Large that fit perfectly. My problem area is my abdomen that my surgeon refers to as "The Menopause Stomach". I have very little hanging skin, but would love to have a neck lift to get rid of the sag from having triple chins! I do have bat wings, but they aren't bad. Due to my back injury I am unable to exercise so overall I am very happy with my results. If I ever get the last 30 pounds off and stabilize I may look into having plastic surgery.
I haven't posted in such a long time because I forgot my password and never got around to resetting it until today. Life has been a roller coaster for the last year and I am SO ready to get off the ride. My Mom is still fighting Ovarian Cancer and is a walking miracle at this point. She was diagnosed in 2000 at Stage 4 and has had many surgeries and rounds of Chemo. She just finished another round and is planning to go to Hawaii for her 82ND birthday in October. Mom has the most positive outlook on life and everything that is thrown her way. I wish I had inherited at least half of her determination.
That's all for now. I will try to post again soon when I weigh in.

Three Month Weigh In

2006-11-03T01:07:00.000-08:00

I am now down 61 pounds! I am just amazed at how good I feel and wish I would have had this surgery a year ago. I am slowly cleaning out all my BIG clothes and will be making a donation to a women's shelter in Fresno soon. Being the pack rat I am, I have plenty of clothes to wear until I get down to a 16. I found a box of clothes in the garage that had not been touched since 1998. I have 15 pairs of really cute shorts that will be way too big by next Summer.
My hair started falling out in the last two weeks. I am going to buy a wig before I dye my hair just in case it all falls out! I am getting in over 80 grams of protein everyday and have been taking Biotin since surgery.
I survived Halloween and wasn't even tempted to buy any candy. Usually I buy multiple bags and eat it all BEFORE Halloween and have to buy more to give out! We don't get any Trick or Treaters so there was no reason to buy any candy whatsoever.
I went to the Social Security office the other day to change my name finally. I was greated by a police officer who proceeded to go through my purse. He took out my small plastic hair pick and told me that was considered a "lethal weapon". I replied to him, "What do you think I am going to do with it? Pick someone to death?" He didn't think that was funny but everyone sitting and waiting started laughing. He said he wouldn't confiscate it this time but I was to leave it in my vehicle upon my next visit. Once I got up to the window, the SS worker entered my SS# in the computer and informed me that number didn't belong to me. I have had this number since I was 15 and showed her my SS card. She proceeds to lecture me about carrying my SS card with me! DUH, I only brought it with me because I was going to the SOCIAL SECURITY office! She entered my number wrong THREE times before she finally got it right.
I have an appointment in the morning with an OB/GYN to see about getting rid of my monthly horror. I hope I can have something done before Christmas. I want to have an Uterine Ablation since that is the least invasive and I don't have to be knocked out. Enough is enough!

TWO MONTH UPDATE

2006-10-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

I am just over two months out from surgery and am down 53 pounds! I don't see my surgeon until December so I am using my home scale. I am only going to weigh myself once a month so I don't drive myself crazy. I have read too many posts on OH where people become "Scale Ho's", weighing themselves multiple times a day. Then they post and whine that they haven't lost any weight for TWO DAYS!

I had a nice chat with Brooke yesterday and she is doing fine. Hopefully she will update her Blog soon and let everyone know the BIG NEWS! Unfuckingbelievable!

My daughter turned 21 on Friday and I can't believe how fast time flies. It feels like it was just yesterday that I was in labor and being yelled at for screaming and scaring the Cardiac patients on the other side of the hospital.

I see my PCP tomorrow so I can get a referral to an OB/GYN to get rid of my reproductive organs. I don't want or need them anymore and I am tired of being in pain 10+ days every month.

I will post a new picture of me soon. Alan finally fixed our digital camera.

6 WEEK FOLLOW-UP

2006-09-13T22:58:00.000-07:00

I had my six week follow-up appointment today with my surgeon. I have lost a total of 40 pounds! Alice said I am doing great and I don't go back until December. I am finally getting "hunger pains" and have been eating more real food. I need to try some real meat instead of deli meat. I still love my Unjury Chocolate Shakes for Breakfast.

After my appointment, I met Brooke and her Mom, Annette. Brooke is having revision surgery tomorrow afternoon! I am so thrilled for her to have this opportunity. Please keep her in your thoughts tomorrow for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. I will talk to Annette tomorrow evening to make sure Brooke is doing well. They are staying in Fresno until she has her first follow-up appointment so I will see her again before she heads back home.

I DON'T WANT TO EAT!

2006-09-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

I am going to get yelled at next Wednesday when I have my 6 week follow-up appointment with my surgeon. I still have no desire to eat real food. I am drinking Unjury with Carb Countdown and having tuna about once a week. I tried a few peaches, tomatoes, 1/2 of a banana, marinated garbanzo beans, salad, and deviled ham(YUK). I am not hungry and make sure I get in my protein and water everyday. I haven't weighed myself since I will have an official weigh-in next Wednesday. I know I have lost because my pants have the baggy-butt syndrome and I fit into a tank top I haven't worn in 8 years.
Last week I started having horrible cramps that lasted 9 days. I am seriously looking into having Uterine Ablation since I am not having any more kids and I can't deal with 9 days of pain and PMS until Menopause. Not even my morphine touched the pain and I was yelling at my husband to "just shoot me now". He has been very patient and understanding about me not feeling up to cooking, so once I felt better I BBQ'D a huge Porterhouse Steak for him and baked a yam. He got 3 meals out of it. I guess living on Healthy Choice dinners since I had surgery shrunk his stomach too.
My Birthday is on Tuesday so I emailed Alan my Wish List. This is the first thing on my list: http://www.costco.com/Browse/Product.aspx?Prodid=11005162&whse=BC&topnav=&browse=
Then I wrote that I would be just as happy with a new purse and a pair of Temper-Pedic Slippers. Of course he asked me yesterday if I really wanted the bracelet or spend the money on the house remodeling we are planning and I said "I want BOTH". I am sure I will get the new purse and slippers but he may surprise me. Who can figure out men?

4th WEEK WEIGH IN

2006-08-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was 4 weeks out from surgery. Since I will not weigh in at my surgeons until September 13, I weighed on my home scale. I have lost another 6 pounds bringing my total to 34. I won't change my ticker though until I officially weigh at my surgeon's office.

REAL FOOD!

2006-08-24T22:14:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I will be 4 weeks out from surgery. I have had a difficult time eating "real food" as my Dr. wants. I ate tuna on saltines; only could eat 3. It took me 4 days to finish the can of albacore that I mixed with mayo, pepper, celery seed. So far this has been the best thing I have ate. I tried some marinated garbanzo beans in a leafy green salad with home grown tomatoes. It was SO good. It took me almost 30 minutes to eat but I had no problems. This morning, after being up all night, I decided a salad sounded really good. I made the same as I had a few days ago and after 3 bites I put the bowl in the fridge. I must have eaten too fast because for the first time I felt like I was going to hurl. I burped a few times and the pain was gone. I immediately felt tired and went to sleep. I had a protein shake when I woke up 6 hours later. I still have no desire to eat anything. I bought 4 small peaches at the Farmer's Market and need to try one. I am getting in plenty of fluid.

I am going to weigh on my home scale tomorrow morning even though it is about 5 pounds lighter than my Doctor's $3500 Tanita scale. At least it will give me an idea of how I am doing.

I am still having sleep disorder issues that are driving me crazy. I wish I could be able to go to bed at 11 or 12 and sleep until morning. Instead, I am up all night and sleep during the day. I have tried staying up all day and then only sleep 3-4 hours and have to get up. I need to change my sleeping pills next time I see my pain management doc.

My daughter was here on Monday with her best friend Amanda. She brought another load of stuff from my Dad's and sorted through what I had brought home. I wish they could have stayed longer but Amanda had to start school at San Jose State on Wednesday. Savannah doesn't go back until August 28.
Even though we talk everyday on the phone, I miss having her around the house. I can't believe she will be 21 next month!

SECOND FOLLOW UP APPOINTMENT

2006-08-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

I had my second follow up appointment with my Dr. on Wednesday. I lost another 5 pounds; 20 since surgery; 28 total.

I was lectured for not eating "real" food yet. I have been drinking 3 protein shakes a day and lots of water. My Dr's nurse wants me on solid food NOW! I have eaten 3 wheat thins with peanut butter twice now with no problems. I had a bite of mashed potatoes and meatloaf that made my new stomach make really loud noises for the first time. I keep telling myself I am going to try to eat some Tuna but haven't yet. I am so afraid of food getting stuck or throwing up. I have never been a thrower-upper.

I have had a pretty depressing week as it was my Dad's birthday on Monday. I also had a long discussion with the Dr. that treated him while he was in the hospital. They finally got the results back from the Kidney Biopsy which indicates that was the primary cancer. I am really pissed off because over the past three years my Dad had ALL the symptoms to having Kidney problems and they were never addressed.

TWO WEEK UPDATE

2006-08-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that two weeks ago I was just now coming out of surgery. Time flies!

I am feeling great! I tried on a pair of pants today that I tried a month ago and couldn't button or zip up. Well, I got them buttoned AND zipped and didn't even have on my super hold-in-the-tummy underwear on! I was so excited that I am down a whole size in two weeks.

I drove for the first time today and went into town to the grocery store. I stocked up on Alan's frozen Healthy Choice Dinners and Carb Countdown milk for me to mix with my Unjury protein powder. I am so glad my Father-in-Law sent me a Magic Bullet with tons of attachments. I use it several times a day. I try to get in three protein shakes a day.

As for food, I still have NO appetite and have only eaten some applesauce. I am drinking tons of water and watered down Gatorade still. I did buy some thin sliced turkey breast that I am going to try to eat. I want to try some tuna mixed with a little mayo first.

I see my surgeon on Wednesday for my second follow-up and I can't wait to see how much I weigh. I noticed after my first follow-up appointment they listed my goal weight as 131! HA!
I can't imagine weighing less than 150. Jen at Hot Fat 4 Sale had a great Blog entry about what we should weigh. Very interesting information.

I am still waiting for my daughter to email me the picture she took before I left for surgery so I can post that here. I will also post about my surgery experience at that time.

FIRST WEEK FOLLOW-UP

2006-08-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

I had my first week follow-up appointment today with my surgeon's associate, Dr. Boone. My surgeon is on vacation in Brazil. I first met with Alice whom I first met in the operating room last Friday. She weighed me and I am down 22 pounds since my first consultation appointment, 15 of which I lost in the last WEEK!

I mentioned to Alice that my right knee had been sore for the last few days and she immediately went and brought Dr. Boone in the room to take a look at my leg. I am sure it is orthopedic, but he wants me to go have another doppler study to rule out any blood clots. I should get a call Monday from the hospital as he ordered it ASAP.

Alice asked what I had been "eating" the past week and when I told her basically nothing but water and watered down Gatorade she had a surprised look on her face. I don't know why since that was on the list and after 2 cups of chicken broth I didn't want anymore.
My second week food choices are:
Soups: tomato, split pea, lentil, etc
Refried Beans
Mashed Potato
Cottage Cheese
Cream of Wheat
Yogurt
Applesauce
Banana
Tofu
Peanut Butter
Mashed hard boild eggs

Out of this list there are only a few things that I actually like. I am going to try to eat some Yogurt since I know it has protein.
I will eat applesauce, bananas, mashed potatoes, and maybe put some peanut butter into a small protein shake. I am NOT hungry at all. I will try one of these tomorrow. I had my daughter buy me a half gallon of Chocolate Carb Countdown so I will mix up a small shake for lunch.

Alice wants me to start on my chewable multivitamins and B12. I ordered some calcium wafers that should arrive by Monday.

After my Dr. appointment, Alan, Savannah and I went to The Elephant Bar so they could eat an early dinner. I drank two glasses of ice tea with spenda while they ate. The food smelled good but I wasn't even tempted to eat anything. I told them my new mantra would be "You can never be too RICH or too THIN!"

Savannah is leaving tomorrow to visit her grandma in Eureka for a few more weeks. She will be back here for a visit before she has to start work and school. I truly don't know what we would have done without her this last week. She has been very helpful to both Alan and I. I am really going to miss her when she leaves.

Savannah has been transfering all our home video's to DVD'S. Earlier tonight we watched one of her when she was in Jr. High and on the same tape was a visit we made to my Dad's. After watching it for about 5 minutes I started crying and asked her to turn it off. I guess it is just too soon for me but it comforts her to be able to hear and see him.

Sippy Cup Hell

2006-08-01T03:16:00.000-07:00

I am already sick of broth. I have been straining the broth from Chicken Noodle Cup of Soup and it takes forever to drink it. Plus it gets cold fast so I have to keep zapping it. I am enjoying warm tea in the middle of the night and mornings. I am "sipping" lots of water and watered down Gatorade, Apple Juice, and Cranberry Juice. I can't even eat a whole popsicle at one sitting! The most amazing thing is that I am NOT even hungry! The smell of food makes me ill. I have to go in the bedroom when Alan and Savannah cook or eat anything that has a strong odor. Other than that, I feel great.

I felt a little confused about how much liquid I should be getting in my body. I am sipping all the time while awake.
I am afraid of getting dehydrated and learning to sip and not just drink a big gulp of something was very hard. However, the sharp pain you get from drinking too fast makes one think before you drink. "One ounce of liquid at a time" has been my mantra the last 3 days. I bought one Sippy Cup and it will be given a proper good-bye in a few weeks.

I have my follow-up appointment this Friday and will then get to eat cream of wheat, mashed potatoes, and pudding. One ounce servings and will have to stop drinking before and after I eat.

When I weighed in before surgery I was at 273. Before I left the hospital I was back up to 286. I can't wait until Friday to get my official one week weigh in.

Finally, I HAVE NORMAL ANKLES! They are not swollen and I have been off all water pills since surgery. Is that a "WOW" moment?

HOME SWEET HOME!

2006-07-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

I was released from the hospital today. I am SO happy to be home. I am feeling pretty good overall. My pain from the surgery itself is minimal. I am trying to get back on my regular pain meds for my back and fibro and I should feel 100% better.
I will post about my surgery another day when I can sit longer. Thanks everyone for all the support! I am finally a Sassy Fatty Loser!

LAST MEAL; FEEL ILL!

2006-07-27T00:07:00.000-07:00

It is now just after midnight and I have finished my "Tour of Food". I slept most of the day since I was up all night last night. I woke up at 8PM and hadn't had anything to eat. I really wanted to have my last dinner from The Cheesecake Factory so I checked out their website and couldn't believe they are actually open until 11:30PM weeknights. I called in our order and by the time I drove the 25 minutes to Fresno, our Spicy Cashew Chicken, Orange Chicken and one slice of Godiva Cheesecake was brought out to my Yukon. Talk about service!
Of course I ate WAY too much and more than I usually do. I still have half of my cheesecake left but I will either finish it by 2AM or leave it for my daughter who will be here tomorrow. After 2AM I am on clear liquids until 6AM Friday morning and then NOTHING til after surgery at 3PM! I can't believe my day is finally almost here. I just hope that everything goes fine and I wake up without a tube in my throat and have a fast recovery. I keep reading about post-ops who have had their gall bladder out and they complain that pain was far worse than WLS. I have already done the gall bladder walk of pain so BRING IT ON!
This girl is ready to be a Sassy Fatty Loser!

TIME IS GETTING AWAY FROM ME!!!

2006-07-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

Today I realized that I have only THREE more days to eat what I want! I had pizza that was left over from yesterday and a trip to The Cheesecake Factory for some Spicy Cashew Chicken over Rice is planned along with a slice of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake. Other than that I really can't think of anything else I want to eat. I ordered two cans of Unjury, one Chocolate and one Unflavored. My Dr. isn't a big fan of protein drinks but I wanted to have them in the house for the first few weeks. I am only on clear liquids for a week after surgery. Then I can start eating refried beans and a few other foods that I really don't like.

I have my list made out for all the things I haven't bought yet such as chewable vitamins, MOM, sugar free popsicles etc. It has been too friggen hot to get out of the house but I have to go pick up some drugs in the morning at the pharmacy. It was 115 today and very humid. This is not normal for this area and there is no sign of any change coming soon. I am taking my Dad's fan with me to the hospital just in case!

I can't wait until it is this time next week and I should be home. I may not be released until Monday since my surgery is so late in the day on Friday. My house is nice and clean and I love my new housekeeper. I hope I can keep her for a long time.

SIX MORE DAYS

2006-07-22T03:03:00.000-07:00

This last week I met with my pain doctor and had my pre-op with Dr. Higa. I couldn't believe that I have lost 10 pounds since my initial weigh in. When I was in Ft. Bragg I ate REALLY bad and mainly ate these awesome truffles from Mendocino Chocolate Company. The dark chocolate are my favorite and the inside just melts in your mouth. I also lived on Chocolate Milk! I think I have had a years worth of chocolate in the past two weeks.

My surgery is now going to be at 3PM on July 28th. I am going to have 2 foreign Dr's observing Dr. Higa perform my surgery PLUS 2 Bariatric equipment salesmen. I should get some sort of kick back for allowing them to watch me be sliced and diced! Perhaps a swimming pool? I asked Dr. Higa again to please take out my ovaries while he was in there. He laughed and said that I was going to get him into trouble he just knew it!

I am still having good days and bad days and still find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call my Dad to tell him something. I still have a hard time accepting the fact that he is gone. I really appreciate all the comments on my last post.

I have a housekeeper coming at noon today so I need to get some sleep. My sleep is still screwed up as usual.

Hardest Thing I'll Ever Do

2006-07-17T00:18:00.000-07:00

I spent the last week in Ft. Bragg at the bedside of my father. He was alert enough to know I was there and we had a few laughs. By Thursday, July 13, he was unresponsive due to the increase in pain medications. I sat by his bed all day and just talked to him. I told him he didn't need to worry about me because I was going to have surgery soon to help my back and hopefully be able to go back to work. This was the only time I mentioned to him that I was having surgery ever.
I left the hospital at 9:25 just as "Sleepless in Seattle" was ending. He passed away right after I left while Jimmy Durante was singing "Make Someone Happy".
As soon as I walked into his house the phone was ringing and it was his nurse telling me the sad news. I was on my cell phone with my husband and of course I was hysterically crying and telling the nurse I would be right back to the hospital. Alan is yelling at me to get myself together before I tried to drive, which of course I didn't do. I don't know how I made that drive in one piece since I was crying the entire way. The nurse met me outside and hugged me. I went into my Dad's room and he looked exactly like I had left him. I sat by his bed crying and rubbing his forehead until my brother got there. My brother wouldn't have even come to the hospital had I not been there. He kept trying to get me to leave the room and I refused. I wanted to be there through it all because I knew I would never see him again.
As soon as I got back to my Dad's house I had to call my daughter Savannah. My Dad was basically her Dad until she was 10 and I met Alan. She loved her "Poppa" very much. Her "father" has never even made an effort to see her. Savannah is dealing with the first death in our family since she was only 2 when my brother died. She had spent 5 days in Ft. Bragg visiting with my Dad in the hospital. She feels very lost right now and I don't know how to help her since I feel the same way. Saying goodbye to your Dad forever is just surreal.
It was the hardest thing I will ever do.

The Latest Family Drama

2006-07-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

The above picture was taken at my oldest brother's wedding over Memorial Day weekend. I thought this would be a good "before" picture of me. I am on the far right next to my 79 yr. old Mom. Alan, my husband, is standing behind me. That tall skinny guy in the middle is my brother who stole all the skinny genes in our family. His wife is in front of him. Next to my skinny brother in the back row is my oldest brother who married the lady wearing the white dress in front. The older man on the end is my 83 yr. old step-father.

I haven't updated lately since I have been very upset about my father being ill. He has been in the hospital for almost a week now and has had many tests and scans done. He basically has CANCER everywhere in his body except his liver, spleen, gall bladder, and pancreas. All the reports state that the cancer is "metastic" but the Dr. still doesn't know where the Cancer started from. My Dad took the news much better than I did. I have had several meltdowns the past few days. I go from crying to being angry to feeling helpless. The Oncologist is going to do a needle biopsy on the largest tumor on one kidney. After he is through making his diagnosis he will give my Dad what options he has.

My so called "Christian brother and sister-in-law" have really pissed me off with the way they are acting about all this. My SIL is telling everyone that my brother had to take care of my Dad for a month when it was only 2 weeks and she is just "so happy to have her husband back home". It would have been just too much trouble for her to go over there and stay with my brother and help out I suppose. It might have interfered with one of her nightly church group meetings. I know I am going to unload on her one of these days and it ain't gonna be pretty.

Alan and I are going to drive up there next week and spend a few days. Alan doesn't deal with hospitals well and he doesn't want to get involved in a family fight so he can just stay at the hotel on the beach and enjoy the cool weather. I told him I NEEDED him to go with me. He doesn't have to go to the hospital with me and sit with my Dad but I want him there for my emotional support. I don't think that is asking too much. My daughter is going this week to visit. She is still pretty sore from her breast reduction surgery but is so very happy to have the worst part over with. She is visiting my Mom until the end of the month when she will come here to be with me for my surgery. Only 26 more days! I can't wait for it July 28th to arrive. I just wish my surgery was early in the morning instead of 2PM.

It has been hotter than hell here and I would give anything to have a swimming pool right now. I have been promised a pool when we move to Oklahoma in 2-3 years. I still haven't been able to wrap my mind around leaving California after 45 years. The change may be good for me by then.

Daddy's Girl

2006-06-14T07:06:00.001-07:00

My Dad, Me, Tim, and Mark (Savannah's father) 1970

I haven't been posting much since I got back from taking care of my daughter after her surgery. I have been sleeping far too much for some reason. Savannah is doing fine and sees her plastic surgeon today for her first follow up. She swears she has an infection but doesn't have a fever; she thinks there are wires under her steri-strips; she can't get used to seeing her stomach or feet without bending over. She is going to be so happy once she is all healed.
I received a phone call last evening from my brother who lives near my Dad and has been taking care of him. My Dad will be 88 in August but he has been having constant pain that the Dr. kept telling him was arthritis. He called my brother at midnight because he was in so much pain and couldn't sleep. My brother had to call an ambulance to take my Dad to the hospital where they actually took a chest X-Ray to check his heart and found some suspicious spots on his ribs. The Dr. sent my Dad home and then made a house call yesterday to go over the results. The Dr. thinks it is prostrate cancer. OK, does this make sense to anyone? Besides me having a total meldown and sobbing hysterically for an hour I still don't know what the fuck is going on. The only pain meds they gave him was the lowest dose of Vicodin and he can take 2 every 4 hours. That wasn't working so my brother gave him half of one and my Dad finally got some sleep. I have been worried for some time that something weird was going on with my Dad's health. He see's the Dr. once a month and his weight has gone from 240 to 177 in a year. The Dr. tells him he is in "perfect health" for someone his age except for the arthritis. I talked to my Dad on Sunday and he was feeling really good since the Dr. had given him Celebrex. I am just in shock that 2 days later he is feeling so bad.
Well, I am rambling from no sleep. I just took a valium and am going to try to get a few hours of sleep.

I HAVE A DATE JULY 28TH!

2006-06-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

JUST A QUICK POST AS I JUST GOT HOME FROM TAKING CARE OF MY DAUGHTER AFTER HER SURGERY. I WILL MAKE A FULL POST TOMORROW, BUT MY SURGERY DATE IS JULY 28TH AT 2PM!

I AM GOING TO POST THIS ON THE CALI BOARD AFTER I CHANGE MY PROFILE PICTURE TO THE ONE WITH THE BARE BACK, BUTT DIVITS AND JEANS TO SEE HOW LONG IT LASTS!

HERE IS THE LINK TO MY POST MADE AT 7:49pm PST.
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/CA/postdetail/428643.html?vc=0

Going to the Courthouse and We're Gonna Get Married

2006-06-04T01:24:00.000-07:00

On Friday, June 2, 2006, Alan and I legally became husband and wife. We went to the Madera County Clerks Office with my daughter Savannah as our witness and were married by a woman in a small courtroom at 2pm. The night before I was talking to my Mom on the phone and she mentioned that June 2 was her late sister Pearl's birthday. My grandfather's name was also Pearl. I guess in the 1880's naming men Pearl was acceptable. Anyway, I decided to not tell anyone in my family that we were getting married until after the fact. I called my Mom when we got home and told her we had gotten married that afternoon by a woman named Pearl. Strange coincidences run wild in our family.

We had our "reception" at The Cheesecake Factory in Fresno. The main menu was Spicy Cashew Chicken, Orange Chicken, and Crab and Shrimp Salad. My "wedding cake" was a piece of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake that was heavenly.
We had a nice visit with Savannah but she had to go back home today to get ready for her upcoming surgery. We had a little drama while she was here but I will save that for another entry.
I thought I would feel different being "officially married" but we have been together for so long no it seemed more like a formality. We said the traditional vows without the religious aspects and it was short and sweet.
I was hoping to get a phone call Friday from the surgeon's office telling me I had been approved for surgery. That would have been a great wedding present.
By the way, we are registered at Aqua Blue Pools in Fresno if you would like to make a donation to our pool.
Just kidding!

BATWOMAN IS BACK WITH A TWIST!

2006-05-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13070024/

WOULDN'T IT BE NICE?

2006-05-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

A certain support board is now allowing you to post your own profile pictures. I was messing around to see what photo would fit. None of the pictures of me were the right size but the one above worked just fine! I wonder how long it will last?
I want to look just like this a year from now!

I MIGHT JUST MAKE IT AFTERALL!

2006-05-25T10:49:00.000-07:00

I have called my surgeon's office 4 times in the last week to find out what my status is. I finally found out this morning that they received my Duplex Doppler Study information and are going to be submitting to my insurance today or tomorrow! I kinda feel nauseous. I have been contemplating WLS for almost 2 years now and it is finally within my sight. I hope BS/HMO+ of Cali is fast approving me as they have been with others. I should hear something by the end of next week. This really works out fine since I will be able to be with my daughter on June 7 for her surgery. She is still very scared and worried. It will be a long 5 hours for me in the waiting room too. At least the next few weeks will be busy for me so I won't have too much time to dwell on getting my surgery date.
YEAH RIGHT!

My Daughter

2006-05-20T01:52:00.000-07:00

This is my daughter Savannah at the beach in Santa Cruz last weekend.

Interesting Info from Pain Doctor

2006-05-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

I had my bi-monthly visit to my pain management doctor today and he had just returned from a conference about WLS and the current increase in Peripheral Neuropathy. He has been treating 8 patients at a rehabilitation hospital that have had serious complications yet blood tests showed NO vitamin deficiencies. He is going to have his office manager make a copy of the report and notes for me to share with my WLS surgeon. I am also going to be having blood work done for various virus' that have been found to be the culprit of some WLS complications. I will share the report with anyone that would like a copy. I most likely will not get it in my hands until next week. This Dr. is the one who suggested WLS to me as a last resort to help with my pain and fibro. He stays on top of the latest research and I feel very lucky to have found him especially since he is paid by my workman's comp claim.

I still haven't heard anything from my surgeon's office regarding my referral. I did call and leave a message on Thursday when we were driving back from Fremont. I really want a surgery date after June 10 since I will be with my daughter for a few days after her surgery. I will be calling Christine again on Monday to see if my paperwork has at least been submitted to the insurance.

Memorial weekend we are going back to the Bay Area to attend my oldest brother's wedding. It will be nice to see my Mom and the rest of my family. My Mom started radiation this last week and so far is feeling fine. The wedding is going to be in my brother's backyard and no more than 45 people will be there. What no one knows is that Alan and I will be LEGALLY married on June 2! We had a ceremony a few years back but never made it legal due to financial reasons. My daughter will be visiting us from June 1-3 and she doesn't know that she will be our witness at the local county courthouse on Friday, June 2. No one in my family will know until AFTER the ceremony. We don't want or need any gifts or any drama!

That's all that is new with me. I haven't posted anything since nothing is going on and the waiting is driving me crazy. I told my Dr. today I just want to have the surgery and get on with my life. I was taken aback a little after he shared the information on complications. He assured me that he will work closely with my surgeon on monitoring my progress. It feels really good to have a doctor care so much about his patients.

Blast from the Past

2006-05-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

My daughter has been having fun scanning old pictures and tormenting me via emails. I haven't seen this picture in years as it was not one of my choices for my Senior picture. My Dad was the only one that wanted one in this pose. Savannah emailed this to me today along with a ton of pictures of her father and I as children. That is another story.

Doctor My Eyes Have Seen The Years

2006-05-11T21:53:00.000-07:00

I had my duplex doppler ultrasound on my legs this past Monday. I thought they were going to just look at my ankles and didn't expect to have the ultrasound wand stuck in my groin on both sides. Of course I always have to get the good looking hunk of a technician. He was very nice though but when he grabbed my knee and squeezed really hard while the wand was on my thigh, I came flying off the table. I scared the shit out of him and myself! He should have warned me that he was going to do that and of course having Fibro he hit one of the trigger points and caused me some major pain. Of course after jumping up off the table I pulled my lower back so I had to stop and take a valium and a morphine so he could finish. He didn't tell me the results "officially" but said that there must be some other reason for my ankles swelling other than a blood clot. I haven't heard from my surgeon's office and will call tomorrow to see if they have submitted everything to my insurance.

I finally broke down and made an appointment to have my hair done. Tonight I look like a fat Donna Summer or even Bon Jovi from the 80's. My cats are avoiding me like the plague. At least I know from experience, the top curls will be relaxed within a week. I keep hearing that the 80's hair styles are coming back so I may be ahead of the game. Now if I could only wear those cool wedge shoes again!

My Mom met with her Oncologist and Radiologist today and will start radiation therapy on Monday. She will have to go 5 days a week for 5 weeks. Her CA125 has gone up 10 points since her last Chemo treatment. I hope the radiation will get rid of this stubborn tumor and give her some time before another one rears its ugly head. I will see her Memorial weekend for my oldest brother's second wedding. She said she will be there if she has to crawl to the car. I sure wish I had some of her "tough old bird" genes in me. She has been out buying flowers to plant in her garden this week and pulling up over 75 tulip and daffodil bulbs she planted last winter.

My daughter made the mistake of reading some womans blog about her breast reduction surgery. I guess the woman was unhappy about EVERYTHING and freaked Savannah out. At least she isn't afraid of not waking up now. Between finding out she was going to have a tube down her throat and a catheter, she has other things to obsess about. She has lost the 20 pounds the surgeon requested but hasn't decided what size she wants.

Driving back home from Fresno today it was 94 degrees and it was only 1:30. We have gone from Winter to Summer in less than two weeks. At least it isn't humid but I am so glad this will be my last fat summer. Now if I could just talk Alan into putting in a swimming pool!

Head Games

2006-05-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

I was getting very irritated that I hadn't heard from my surgeon's office regarding my referral for the doppler study. I called his office at 9 this morning and was transferred to 3 different people before someone finally took my name and number and said they would call me back. Around 3 I received a phone call informing me that I had an appointment Monday morning at 10AM. Once my surgeon's office receives the report and if everything is OK they will submit everything to my insurance. I asked how far out my surgeon is scheduling for surgeries right now and she said "THREE WEEKS or sooner if there is a cancellation". I anticipate a surgery date early in June.
Now I have a few dilemma's. My daughter is scheduled for breast reduction surgery on June 7 and I want to be with her at the hospital and spend one night in town with her. She has a VERY small studio apartment so I will have to stay at a hotel. Her best friend since First Grade is coming to stay with her for at least two weeks to help drive her around etc. They are like sisters and Amanda will sleep on the floor on a twin air mattress. I know my daughter is scared and wants me there for her surgery since she has never been knocked out before. I also want to be there so I can sit and be a nervous wreck with Amanda. I had planned to tell my daughter about my surgery hoping she would be able to come and stay with me afterwards. Now it looks like our surgeries may be at the same time.

Also, I haven't told anyone in my family about my surgery yet. They all have thought I forgot about it. Except my Mother. She went to see her Psychic two weeks ago and the Psychic told her that I would be having "stomach surgery" soon. This was before my consultation appointment was changed from June 19 to May 1. My Mom thought until then that I had given up on having the surgery. She was completely against it because of all the bad press and people she knew through her work that had died 20+ years ago from staple line ruptures/infections. Since my Mom has been fighting Ovarian cancer for the last 6 years, I didn't want to add any more stress to her life and just stopped talking about having the surgery. After her visit to the Psychic, who by the way told her, "that my surgery would go just fine but I would have to be careful afterwards and follow doctor's directions" my Mom doesn't seem worried about it now. All I said to my Mom was "She must be talking about Savannah's surgery not me." I still want to wait until AFTER I actually have the surgery to tell her. Alan and I have already concocted a plan to get around my daily phone calls to Mom for a few days. She will be going through radiation for another stubborn tumor that over 4 months of Chemo didn't touch. Since I have back problems, I am going to be having some more "epidural injections" and will not feel up to talking on the phone. I hate lying to her but I don't want her to be worrying about me. She is the ultimate worry wart all the time anyway.

I know it is much easier to tell the truth because when you lie, especially being on drugs, it is hard to keep your stories straight. So I go on playing "Head Games" within myself.

Hot Sweaty Days and Mondays

2006-05-01T23:51:00.000-07:00

After almost TWO years I finally have my consultation appointment today with Dr. Higa to have WLS.

I got up at 6AM because I thought my appointment was at 9AM. I double checked what I wrote down the other day and saw I didn't have to be there until 9:30. It was already 70 degrees outside and humid so I was sweating like a stuck pig trying to get dressed. My make-up was running down my face leaving white streaks that made me look like a vampire. I kept thinking to myself, "This is the last HOT FAT SWEATY SUMMER for me!"

I leave my house just before 9 and head into Fresno. By then you would think traffic would not be very heavy. WRONG! So I am going 75 in a 55 then it turns into 65. I see a motorcycle CHP making a U Turn in the median ahead of me so of course I slam on my brakes. Everything is cool and I am cruising along into Fresno. All of the sudden I see the CHP pull behind me and turn his lights on. MOTHER FUCKER! I am pissed because it is 9:20 and my exit is within sight. So I pull over and he comes to the passenger window and makes small talk and then asks me if I know my 2006 license sticker is missing. SHIT. I told him it was at home on the desk by the front door and we just never got it put on. Of course I am babbling away how I didn't have stickers on my car for 4 years and never got stopped. They were in the glove box but I just wanted to see if I would ever get stopped. I finally put them on when I gave the car to my daughter. He tells me to "Have a Nice Day and to Drive Safe!"

So I finally find the Dr's office. It is in a new building so it didn't map out on Yahoo. I rush in there right at 9:30. Well this Dr. triple books like my pain Dr. so it would have been NO biggie if I were late. I had to sign a few papers and then I grabbed a few magazines and sat down. This older guy with snow white hair wearing a bright pink shirt and white shorts comes in and sits two seats to my right. His glasses were perched askew on his forehead. I could feel him staring at me and I was getting the heebie jeebies. Finally he got up and mumbled something and disappeared. I had taken a water bottle with me and so of course I had to go pee. I ask the girls at the desk where the restrooms are and she points down this hall. I find the bathroom but the door is locked. There is a guy standing outside the bathroom putting together some packets of papers and I finally asked him if he saw anyone go in there. He said he has only seen people TRYING to get in there. I go tell my Dr's people that the door must be locked from the inside because no one has been able to get in there. The girls are like, oh someone must be in there and went back to answering the phones. So back down the hall I go and knock on the fucking door and say "HELLO??? IS ANYONE IN THERE?" I didn't hear anything at first so I knocked even louder this time and yelled "HELLO???" All of the sudden I hear some moaning and then hear "HELP". I go tell the girls AGAIN that now there is someone in there that is moaning and needs help. They take their sweet ass time getting the Nurse who comes running with a wheel chair and opens the door. There sprawled out on the floor, with his glasses still on his forehead, is that old guy that was staring at me. He had been in there passed out for at least a half an hour. She gets him in the wheelchair and takes him back into the Dr's office and they call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. When she took me back I asked her, "Was he just dumping?" She said he had a different kind of surgery and was going to have a revision but he was having a lot of medical problems. I was like HOLY SHIT. So the ambulance came and hauled his ass off to the hospital.

So the nurse then tells me I have to take off my shoes and socks to get weighed. I told her that I need help because of my back and didn't understand why I had to take them off. Well they have one of those fancy Tanita scales that tell you MORE than you want to know about HOW FUCKING FAT YOU ARE! She told me to stand on the scale until it beeped and she ran off to do something else. This machine starts printing out this long ass receipt. I look over to see how much I weighed and I about passed out. It said 291.5. Now I weighed my ass at home before I left and I weighed 271 on my scale. I told the nurse the scale was broken. I swear they must weigh heavy so those who fall under a 40 BMI will be over. That's my theory and I am sticking to it! I have NEVER weighed this much in my entire life. Thank god I had taken half a Valium before I left the house. Between the CHP, Pink Shirt Guy, and my Weight I was going over the deep end fast!

I get taken into this exam room and have to take off everything but my bra and panties. I said to the nurse, "Well at least I know the paper gowns will fit me at this place". She says they are special made in Paris and I go, "Oh by Chanel?" She says, "Why of course and they smell good too!" So I get my couture blue gown on and place the lovely extra large white drape over my legs and lay down on the exam table to wait for the Dr. He finally shows up about 11.

Dr. Higa walks into the room and sees me laying down and says "Time to wake up Susan". He looked over my paperwork for a second but it was obvious that he had actually read my chart by the questions he asked. THAT impressed me! He wanted to know if I was a carb addict. I said no, just a food addict in general. Then he saw my list of drugs and we went over all about my back injury. I showed him my lovely elephant ankles and he didn't like them one bit. I have to go have a doppler study done to make sure I don't have a blood clot. He asked if I had any questions and I just asked about how he does the leak test and he says he doesn't do one unless he sees the need too. Since he not only staples and sutures the pouch he has had very few leaks in the thousands of patients he has operated on. Oh, first he told me he would give me some red jello to see if passed thru or not. He listened to my lungs and asked me if I smoked. I told him yes and that I did put it in my paperwork. He asked how much and I said too much. He didn't say anything else. I asked him if I should go on a "liver shrinking diet" and he said if I wanted to that would be great because it makes it much easier for him. I LOVE THIS MAN!

Finally he said that everything was in order and that all I need to have done is the doppler study and that should be scheduled pretty quickly and then they will submit everything to my insurance. The girl at the front desk said HMO's sometimes take a little longer but I said I have heard that Blue Shield has a pretty quick turn around and she just gave her robotic answer about how it can take up to six weeks.

So, this was my exciting day. I am just waiting for the phone to ring to tell me when I have to go have my elephant ankles dopplered and then I will know more. I am increasing my Lasix to 120MG twice a day from now on to see if that helps too. I think they might be bigger right now cause I am due for my period. I did ask the Dr. if he would give me a hysterectomy while he was in there! He laughed and said "SORRY". I also told him about the gall bladder doctor who told me I didn't need WLS and he asked who it was and when I told him he laughed and said "Yeah if you are built like her you wouldn't need surgery" She is a six foot tall bean pole!

My Last Big Mac

2006-04-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

A week ago I ran out of my anti-depressant Cymbalta. My pain doctor gave me this drug to help with my Fibro symptoms and it has been a life saver. I thought I had an extra bottle stashed away in my drug box but there were none. I called the pharmacy to get a refill and of course they had to order them because they are such a hot item these days. I didn't think I would have any problems going a few days without. Wrong!

Two days after taking my last Cymbalta I started getting these weird brain zaps. Picture someone taking a cattle prod and sticking it inside your head. That's what it felt like. Then the bug bites started. I felt a bug on my back and ripped off my shirt to see what was biting the hell out of me. Then I felt another bite on the back of my leg. I was ready to put myself in the shower and set off a bug bomb. I took some valium to calm myself down and called the pharmacy to see if my Cymbalta had arrived yet. Sorry but they won't be in until tomorrow. I screamed at the poor guy on the phone that I was having major withdrawals and I needed my drugs NOW! He looked to see what other drugs I had on hand and told me to take some Ativan to calm myself down. I told him I was no longer on Ativan but back on Valium and of course he says that'll work too. No shit sherlock. Finally the next day my drugs arrived and there was no way in hell I could have driven the 15 miles to town to pick them up. The brain zaps were happening every 2-3 minutes and I had clawed up my body scratching phantom bug bites. My husband made the drive to town and picked up my drugs plus a Big Mac for me. He knew I was ready to go over the edge and the Big Mac would help calm my nerves while the Cymbalta kicked in.

That will be the last Big Mac I ever eat. I will always associate it with brain zaps and bug bites.
So long Ronald McDonald!

Long Awaited Journey Has Begun

2006-04-29T01:36:00.000-07:00

I got the call today that I have been waiting for! I finally have a consultation appointment with my surgeon on Monday, May 1, at 9AM! My original appointment was not until June 19 so I am very happy to be getting this show on the road. I hope that all my pre-op tests are still good and everything will be ready to be submitted to the insurance company after my consult. I will post my beginning weight after seeing my surgeon since my scale at home weighs much less than reality.

Reality Bites!